I pulled her into conversation through my natural inclination to speak to other brown girls. She was quiet. She was probably uninterested at first but then we hit a turning point in the conversation. She allowed her thoughts to flow. Her foreign accent told me that she from abroad and that subtle French undertone sounded classic. She talked and I listened.
We fell into a quick kinship often trading childhood stories and future aspirations. She became a sister, trusted advisor, and mentor -the one who pulled me back from the edge when my tongue was about to release lines that were too real and too honest. “I am only saying the truth,” I would exclaim and she would try to get me to see the immaturity and frivolity in that stance. I still suffer from standing on the truth and still believe that there are times when addressing things head on is the MATURE thing to do.
So the truth is that our friendship dissolved much more slowly that it began. It was not one of those bitter, catty, fall outs though. It was more of a mutual understanding-one that was made clear by her actions and my acceptance of them. We couldn’t be friends, at least not the kind that we had been, unless I stayed friends with one of our mutual friends.
I will never understand why my personal decision to be courteous but not friendly with someone else had any barring on our personal friendship. I don’t do friendships that are contingent upon other friendships and damn sure don’t invest in situations that yield no ROI. No one has ever had enough power over me to make me change the way I treat or interact with a friend.
Yet, she made a very clear decision to unnecessarily choose one friendship over another. I am rarely surprised. However, I did assume that she would maintain neutrality-that she would only weigh in when asked. But I am learning that assumption and expectation does not shape human behavior. This situation was too childish, too petty, and too trivial for me to remain vested. I bowed out gracefully. I appreciated her for what she offered back then, for who I thought she was and who she used to be.
I opted not to say “Sis- I can be your friend without being hers. You do not have to be in the middle. In fact, I never asked you to be.” The need to even say that indicated that there was no turning back. There was no friendship left to salvage. I did not know her and evidently she did not know me. Naw…. I did not say a word. Not then. Not now.
Yet, she will always be that dope ass “friend” from yesterday.
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~Thanks for Keeping it Kinky~