Natural Hair and Other Kinky Stuff

What we can learn from Kim K

-Previously Written-

Ok so I already know most Kim K fans will probably shut down half way through this post. But just hear me out. I have never been married or engaged. I have only had one “successful” relationship and I have flaws just like everyone else. I am also no expert on the matters of the heart or relationships but I do have COMMON SENSE and some spiritual guidance.

I could say a lot but I am going to try to say a little. Basically, no 30 year old woman should be doing the same thing she was doing at 18 and expect different results. After one failed marriage, I would like to think that someone would evaluate the situation, learn from their mistakes and carry those lessons forward. I am 24 and damn sure ain’t approaching relationships the same way I was at 18.

Most marriages that are entered into quickly rarely last. How can you pledge a life long commitment to someone who you barely even know? What about premarital counseling and discussing important matters like handling finances, raising children, religion, discipline, living arrangements etc.? How can you love someone completely in less than a year? I am not saying it does not work but most of the time it wont. In fact, I would dare to say that quick marriages work better for the elderly.

See- when you take time to get to know someone, you will discover their true character (flaws and all.) If you decide to marry them, you basically are saying that  you truly love them despite their flaws. All the characteristics you love and adore overshadow the ones you do not.

I do not know Kim K and I rarely even watch the show. I just happened to see some episodes when my mother was watching. I am glad she stopped making sex tapes. But lets be real, having a ton of money and socialite status does not make you wifey material.  Marriage should not be taken lightly. Its not just something else to do- at least not from my perspective. Nor should we make a mockery of it. The whole wedding and 72 day marriage seems like an immature stunt. I wont accuse her of doing it for publicity although I am sure she welcomed the attention. I truly believed her tears were real and as much as I wanted to feel sorry for her- I couldn’t.

Kim K did what a lot of women do. She chased a fairy tale ( a dream if you will), instead of a sacred, selfless unity. She is 30. She felt like her clock was ticking and it was just taking too damn long to get a man to put a ring on it. Her vision was blurry and her mind was on what she could gain from a marriage rather than what she would give in a marriage.

I was like WTF when she threw a fit about her husband moving items into her big home. LIKE REALLY? Now, I know we do not get to see and hear it all. We are mere spectators of their relationship and we have a narrow view. Maybe they have valid reasons to call it quits. However, I have never known a couple with love as the foundation of their relationship to throw in the towel that easily. Married or not, love typically motivates people to attempt to try again. When people abandon selfish ambition and seek compromise, relationships are easier to maintain. And I don’t quite get why people think they can get married and still have the “do me” attitude. A marriage is not just about “doing you” boo boo! In fact, that notion alone is problematic.

In a healthy marriage, people should be able to maintain their identities while creating a partnership. Mutual love, respect, and honor goes a long way. I do not know how that Cinderella story got embedded in the minds of so many women, but its often not that simple or easy. I am not waiting on prince charming to rescue me and neither should you.

Its really not all that complex. I honestly believe that when people chill and desire long term commitment for the right reasons, they are able to chose the right partner for the RIGHT reasons. My primary focus is character. *STOP THE SIDE EYE AND SMIRK*. I am telling the truth. But when I say that, most people (men and women)  look at me like I am telling a big ass lie. LOL. Character is not my only focus but it is the primary focus. I know that every decision and act is motivated by someone’s innate character. Who they are can not be erased and their CHARACTER is what I will have to deal with forever. Forever? yeah so it better be on point. Basically, if his character is shaky, nothing else he has matters to me. When I was 18, I may have dated a man with shaky character for fun because I was not thinking about commitments and marriage. Taking marriage into account changes my criteria.

I am not chasing a fairy tale Disney attempted to make me believe. I know that in “real” life  relationships take a lot of time, love and devotion. I know that marriage means sacrifices, compromise and team work. I appreciate marriage and the beauty of love. I want the type of love that is discussed in Corinthians. And if I understand that correctly, it has nothing to do with false expectations, biological clocks, or chasing anything. Love will find you when you are ready to receive.


2 Responses to “What we can learn from Kim K”

  1. Lashea

    My dear friend. I am so happy to see this. You are definitely the motivation that I need in my life. I thank God for a true friend with soooo much positive energy. You are in my life for a reason and from the bottom of my heart I thank God for your existence and I am happy to have u as a (my) FRIEND. God bless.

  2. Robbi

    I completely agree with you on this! Alot of people rush into marriage or simply a relationship just to have the companionship. Kim K is a certified example of a “hopeless romantic”


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